Guilty
Today my mum was asking me how my studies going on in clinical school. I was so surprised to hear that she did not receive any of my results from the uni. I am not used to tell my mum about my results since the uni would send my results home since phase 1. I thought they gonna get my results as usual in phase 2.
So I told her, "OK lo, no more A... All B and C..."
Mum: "Why no more A?"
Me: "Coz it's getting difficult in clinical school.."
Mum: "Then others le? No1 get A?"
Me: "Got, those very smart 1..."
Mum: " I thought you are the smart 1 in the class... you were in dean's list last time."
(Oh Gosh, this is the same thing that one of my friend said in MSN, when I was complaining the tough life in clinical school...)
Me: "I don't have time to study, have to do research and reports...." Started to give all the excuses... in fact, I don't really have mood to study even exam is around the corner..
Then she started to tell me, must study hard, as our financial status could not afford me if I have to repeat.. Everytime when she said about the 'thing', I felt more guilty as I've not been studying hard and spending a lot of money...
I am so guilty now... but all the reports and research stuff took all my time... When could I just study without worrying all those reports and research? I need time to study..... I don't wanna repeat!!
3 comments:
Hey I understand how you feel but if you think you have tried your best, then just be proud of yourself. I know it's hard to juggle three things together at the same time; I tried that in the previous semester and it is definitely not easy.
Parents will of course aim for the best in us but sometimes they just dont understand how we feel. For them everything is possible but have you ever thought abt this - if they were in ur shoes could they ace in their studies while trying to deal with so many other things?
Another thing is, if my previous semester was a chaos, I couldn't see the point why isn't yours. Your couse is wayyyy tougher than mine so naturally your pressure must be 10000 times higher than mine.
However, I don't have any answer for your main prob - dont have mood to study when it's exam time. Guess you were rejecting the exams subconsciously. But I am sure that you are stressed because you wanna do well in the exams, but then get too anxious since you don't have enough time to prepare.
I do have one solution though for you if you are under stress. Try listening to soothing music. It helps. If you don't have any of them, tell me and I will get them for you.
I am kinda sad reading this post, knowing that you are always a responsible person but are seriously affected by household probs. I just hope you can pull urself together and face the obstacles bravely.
As for your mom - I won't tell you to disobey her, but sometimes you have to live for yourself. Again, if you think you have tried your best, then don't be too harsh on yourself.
*HUGS*
Agree with anneangel!
All I can say is Ganbatte gal...sorry can't really help u much...gimme a miss call if u need an ear, i'll call u back k...I need a break from my stupid thesis sometimes oso, hahahahaha
n yea, don't b too harsh on urself ya
I definitely feel for you, as I have experienced the same kind of confrontation once upon a time.
Let the guilt sinks in for a while, and make it into the force that drives you to strive hard and stay on.
But sometimes I wonder whether what I am doing is for my own sake, or purely due to guilt. It would have been better, if one really likes what he or she is doing, without any string pulling us around.
And no, I'm not suggesting that you are like that. Just came across my mind, such thoughts, purely based on my past experience and feelings lar.
Once you get the hang of clinical school, *I'm sure very soon. You will definitely go on track again!
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