An Exhausting Weekend

A different weekend from a usual weekend as Jia Ki came to my house and stayed over. She had to attend a convocation of her friend in KL and needed a place to stay overnight. And I actually went out everyday during that weekend compared to usual weekend, I only stay at home watching TV.

On Friday, after our CP and submitted our case summaries, we went back KL with Iona. On the way back to KL, Jia Ki remembered that she left her shoes in Seremban and she had only a pair of slippers which she was wearing now. She called Yu Ying, our junior, who was going back to KL for his IMU convocation, to collect her shoes in her house. Unfortunately, the gate outside was locked and Yu Ying couldn’t enter the house. Jia Ki asked him to climb the gate, Yu Ying tried but he failed. Then he messaged us that Jia Ki’s neighbours and neighbour classmates were looking at him. Haha… I wonder how funny Yu Ying looked during that time. If I were him, I would dig one hole and bury myself in. So embarrassing...

Since Jia Ki had no shoes to attend the convocation on Saturday, we had to shop for her shoes. We asked Andy, our senior, to come along to Sunway Pyramid. This was the first time we went shopping with Andy. Jia Ki managed to get her shoes and a new battery for her handphone. Her handphone always died off and it was quite irritating sometimes when I couldn’t manage to get her. I knew Andy since Sem 6 through Jia-Ki but we usually did not chat a lot. But I think after this shopping event, relationship of three of us has improved a lot... We can chat nonsense non stop and it was very interesting looking both of them arguing and sometimes I would involve myself in too...

On Saturday, I fetched Jia Ki to the LRT station. Haha… Not many of my friends actually sat in the car I drove. It was countable using one hand only, I think, excluding my family, Yi Ning, Baxter, Racine and Jia Ki… So be proud of it, haha…I managed to do part of my research in the afternoon as in the morning, I was busying checking mails and chatting online. Haha…

On Saturday night, Andy, the knowledgeable person (he claimed himself that), brought us to his martial art centre. I didn’t know that he knew Taekwondo only after I saw his testimonial in friendster. He is one of the coaches. Too bad that he did not demonstrate his ‘skills’ to us. Andy, so disappointing!! By the way, I really felt like introducing him to my sister since I think he is quite a nice guy…lol…

On Sunday morning, we had another date with Jia Ki’s ‘lalat’. I was so tired that felt like missing in action. We did attend the date finally. Damien, the ‘lalat’ came to fetch us and we went One Utama because Andy said there was a dog show. However the dog show ended before we reached. This was the first time I attend this kind of date. Actually Damien knew Jia Ki through friendster and he asked Jia Ki to come out when he knew that Jia Ki was going to KL. Jia Ki asked me along and said he would treat us free lunch. I felt quite weird initially as both of them looked so close even though that was the first time they met each other. Initially I thought it would be like we had nothing much to chat but actually we chatted quite happily. When he was explaining what his job does, Jia Ki and I were so blurred that we pretended to understand what he said. I think I really lost touch with the world and my life was all medical stuff. We went to ‘Chillis’ for lunch and the food was quite expensive there. Luckily someone was treating. After that, I was so exhausted but had to packed and go back to Seremban.

Happy or Sad?

Results are out today. I dunno if I wanna be happy or be sad now. I got my first A in clinical school, but also got my 1st failure... Should I be happy or should I be sad?? Why?? I didn't expect to fail as well as I didn't expect to get A. I knew I did badly for the Ortho MCQ but I really didn't expect to fail. I thought at least I could barely pass.. For the clinical, although the lecturer said he wanna give me an A, he only give me 72 (which is a B+), so I didn't expect the A as well...

Too big contrast.. I still couldn't believe it...

Guilty

Today my mum was asking me how my studies going on in clinical school. I was so surprised to hear that she did not receive any of my results from the uni. I am not used to tell my mum about my results since the uni would send my results home since phase 1. I thought they gonna get my results as usual in phase 2.

So I told her, "OK lo, no more A... All B and C..."

Mum: "Why no more A?"

Me: "Coz it's getting difficult in clinical school.."

Mum: "Then others le? No1 get A?"

Me: "Got, those very smart 1..."

Mum: " I thought you are the smart 1 in the class... you were in dean's list last time."

(Oh Gosh, this is the same thing that one of my friend said in MSN, when I was complaining the tough life in clinical school...)

Me: "I don't have time to study, have to do research and reports...." Started to give all the excuses... in fact, I don't really have mood to study even exam is around the corner..

Then she started to tell me, must study hard, as our financial status could not afford me if I have to repeat.. Everytime when she said about the 'thing', I felt more guilty as I've not been studying hard and spending a lot of money...

I am so guilty now... but all the reports and research stuff took all my time... When could I just study without worrying all those reports and research? I need time to study..... I don't wanna repeat!!

Self Injury

Recently I was doing a research on self-injury. I gotta look through the self-injury forum, read post by post, page by page, to see what they talked about in the forum, to see the member prevalence... And this is so frustrating... I couldn't imagine when I can finish this research, it looked so easy but when I started, everything is a mess, I need to do it over and over again due to some miscommunication among our research group member..

The posts are all almost the same thing, "I've been cutting myself", "I'm so triggered", "I couldn't control the urge", mainly all the members came to the forum when they were so triggered to cut themself to get some support from the other members.

Some of them share their stories, ya....I couldn't imagine it was actually happened in real life. They were too tragedic and dramatic. It's just something beyond my world.

Some of them came to give moral support for those who are triggered. "Stay strong!", "take care", "PM me when you need someone to talk". Most of them self-cut and give support at the same time. When someone is triggered, they try to distract him/her from the urge by posting or ask him/her to make him/herself occupied.

And some of them express their feeling and most of the posts are fulled of "f***" words, which I didn't feel comfortable earlier, and now I kinda get used to it, but still I hate the word. Never ever say the word in front of me k?

I kinda sympathized them as they are suffering from this self cut habit. Some of them self cut because they have some mental disorders, but some of them just cut for nothing... So I think I am the lucky one as I do not suffer as they do, or maybe I've much higher tolerance than them... I've never thought of self cut when I have low mood...

Actually all these things must be kept private and confidential but I did not disclose any of their personal details... so I think it would be fine. But if they know that we are doing a research on them, I wonder how they think.

又是奇怪的梦？

昨晚又做了一个怪梦。梦见梁咏琪暴毙在厕所里，死相极恐怖！我和几位朋友刚好在现场。醒来时，还觉得有些怕怕。还想着，以后还听不听她的歌好。哈哈！再想，这，会不会是一个先兆？

其实对她并没有特别好感或讨厌，会做这样的一个梦，自己都觉得很奇怪。我并没有特别想贬低或诅咒梁小姐的意思，此梦纯属虚构，如有雷同，纯属巧合！

考试前夕，我也做了一个怪梦。不过这梦可是＇梦出有因＇。当时我在读着ORTHO的课本，A朋友SMS我，说她心情很低落。那晚，我就做了一个那样的梦。梦见B朋友在我考试前，打电话给我，说她心情很低落。所以，我决定写一封信鼓励她。过后，我得知她入院了，得了ACUTE CALCIFYING TENDINITIS。我还到SEREMBAN医院一楼一楼地找她。醒来后，我自己都觉得超级白痴的梦。

听说，常常记得自己做过的梦，就是代表睡不熟。或许，我该去找解梦的书来读读。

HUGZZZ....

I need some hugs from you guys.... As a support, an encouragement, or a comfort!!! Just click here or give ^by@n^ a*HUG* at the left column!!!! Thanks a lot!!!

"其实，你们觉得我是个怎样的人呢?"

瑾瑜的一个问题，让我若有所思。我也常常想，在别人眼中，我是个怎样的人？常常会很在意别人的想法，而失去自我。

因为有时侯我会很讨厌一个人，而没让他／她知道，所以有时侯在想，会不会也有人其实很讨厌我，而没让我知道。

如果有人问我这个问题，我会为了不伤他／她的自尊心，都会说好话（除非是很好的朋友，可以接受批评，要不然就是有装着讲笑地说他／她的缺点）。所以我相信问别人这个问题，也不会得到完全真心的回答（而且如果他／她说真话，我会觉得这个人怎么那么直，不会顾虑别人的感受。哈哈，矛盾吧！）。

觉得BAX说得很对（第一次那么赞同他的话！）！＂自己是怎样只有自己知道，不是吗？＂只要觉得对的，就继续下去，要靠着别人的话活下去，是很痛苦的。做回自己，才是最有特色的！

Recent updates

Dunno what to write, since my recent life was just busying with studies, research, and cfcs... all academic stuff (I hate research!! Any1 free to help me with my research?)

Recent Updates:Now I am in Orthopaedic posting. Initially was quite fun and relaxing, but after Prof Harwant came back from his leave, my nightmare started. Only I realized that I've been so slacking for 2 weeks in Ortho. He makes me feel stupid and depress. Haih.... Now I am totally amotivated!! No motivation to go ward... especially I heard some1 in my group skipped ward and case presentation, everyday study at home... then when lecturers asked question, he knows how to answer and the lecturers praised him!! So unfair!! If I dun go ward and just study at home everyday, I also can answer all the question la... I totally got no time to study at all!!!! Dun wanna talk about it anymore...

Feeling abit depressed, couldn't finish my research and my Ortho books... haven't started reading on Psychiatry...I think I gonna flunk my MCQ!!! Hope during the 1 week hols can finish my research la...

Despite being so busy, I managed to watch some korean dramas too. Now I am watching "Mo Nv Yoo Hee", I think it's quite nice, and I think munny will like to watch too...haha... coz there's some part about cooking.. French dishes and some korean traditional dishes....always make my saliva drooling when watching it....Others drama I've watched, like Goong S, which I think seriously not worth to watch...haha... I managed to finish watching it, but now if u asked me about the ending, I forgot everything, just kept fast forwarding while watching. Just watch for the sake of watching..haha... Quite fed up of watching korean drama, but that's the only thing my sister downloaded... sigh...

The recent chinese drama I watched was "Zhuan Jiao Yu Dao Ai" acted by Da S and Luo Zhi Xiang, I finished 39 episodes in 3 nights... Simple and funny... No need to think so much while watching. I noticed that recently I liked to watch idiot movies, the funniest the better... Having so much stress in real life, must find something to balance it... And really envy Ning and Jinyu watched so many dramas and animes.... I think I won't have any chance to do so....

p/s: I changed a new specs too....haha...

天蝎座 （２００７年３月１０日）

天蝎座 （２００７年３月１０日）

＂注意力较散漫，应预防被窃或遗失东西。好好地保管贵重东西吧。＂

星期六，在学校的我，翻开报纸，看到这句话，觉得不可思议。因为我刚刚发现到遗失了Jia Ki的pendrive，所以才来学校寻找。为什么那么准？真的是好的不灵。坏的灵。怎么办？里面有很多很重要的资料。糟糕糟糕！！怎么最近常遗失东西？

希望可以找回！拜托佛陀、菩萨保佑！！！

Semester 7 -- Psychiatry Posting

I am doing nothing in the library, waiting for the variety night to begin soon at 7.30pm. Now I am a Sem 7 senior. Seeing all those juniors, I only knew some of my batch mates who repeated their semester. All the juniors looked familiar as I've seen them in Bukit Jalil before, but now I couldn't recognise one is junior or senior. My memory is getting deteriorate.

I started my Sem 7 with Psychiatry posting, which is a very good posting to start with. It is quite relaxing, not as hectic as O&G (Obstetric & Gynaecology). Psychiatry is actually one of my list of specialising, so I must study hard, cannot be as relax as in Sem 6 anymore.

The 1st day of our posting, we had a briefing from Dr. Xavier. As usual, he likes to ask us to introduce ourselves which I hate most. I am not good in public speaking and I'll have thought block. After the briefing, he took us to the psychiatry ward which is located behind the KKS (Klinik Kesihatan Seremban). The male ward was named Wad Zamrud and the female ward was named Wad Mutiara. The psychiatry patients are very 'friendly', they looked so normal from appearance, just like other patients in medical ward and surgical ward. They looked at us as if we are animals behind the gate. They are so frinedly that they come and approach you and say hi to you. It might look scary, but I am actually not afraid of them. Some of my batchmates are so scared of them and they don't like the posting. We did not talk to them as Dr. Xavier just wanna brief us around the clinic.

The second day, I am posted in the female ward. The female ward is an open area, unlike the male ward, the patients are locked up in the cell. So we get to sit beside all the patients, talk to them, watch TV with them. They will come to you whenever they see you. When you switch your place, they will follow you. Then they will tell you their stories without you asking them.

The 1st patient who I clerked in detail had paranoid schizophrenia. She kept telling me that she had bone cancer, asked me to tell the Chinese doctor to give her 'antibiotic' to treat the bone cancer. Then she said every1 in the world is bad, every1 wanna rape her, her brother and sister-in-law wanna kill her and take her shophouse. she said she doesn't like M'sia, wanna move to Taiwan as there is more Chinese there. At first I really thought what she said was true until I looked at her case file. She was admitted due to aggressive behaviour at home, used a parang, trying to kill her brother and nephew. Couldn't imagine she was so violent. She kept talking about the bone cancer whenever she sees me, ask me for a favour to tell the doctor to give her 'antibiotic'. I promised her, told her that I would tell the doctor if I see him.

The next day, she came to me when I just entered the ward, asked me if I ask the doctor. Then I kept thinking excuses, tell her that I didn't see the doctor la, the doctor is not in-charge of the ward la and bla bla bla.... Then she told me the whole story again. She underwent ECT (Electroconvulsive therapy) in the morning and forgot things. Now she was telling me that she wanna go Spain, then I asked, wat about Taiwan. And she just couldn't remember that she said that before. The next few days, she kept telling the same story over and over again until I fed up. However I can see the improvement after the ECT. 1st day, she thought she got one course of medication and after eating the medication for 1 month, she will recover. Then she said she wanna go Nilai Cancer Institute and UH to treat her cancer. 2nd day, she forgot about the medication and the Chinese doctor but still thinking about where to treat her cancer. 3rd day, still talking about bone cancer, still thinking where to treat that. And today, she only think that she got bone cancer but forgot about Nilai Cancer Institute. Hopefully the next week I see her, she can forget about the bone cancer thingy. Haha....

P/S: A lesson I learned from the posting: Don't trust your patient totally, always think that they have delusion and hallucinations.